Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
