That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
