This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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