just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
