ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
