Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I smell like Dick and happiness
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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