**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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