Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am midnight drunk by noon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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