SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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