Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
