we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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