She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
