you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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