im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize