is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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