My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
