Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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