His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
