I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
