You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
