I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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