Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
