You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
