there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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