gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
