It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
