I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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