happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
