Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
