Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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