Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
