I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
