Already got asked if we're dating
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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