a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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