Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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