Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
