I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it glows. i had to have it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
