someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
