you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
