I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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