problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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