laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
