I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
