i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
