just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
