Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
