No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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