my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
