Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
