how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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