i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
