I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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