it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
