I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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