i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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