OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize