i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
