the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
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Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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