A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
