wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
