she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
