I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
