I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
