in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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