You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
