If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
