It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
