I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
