She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize