He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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