Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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